Startedliving Hits a Snag

I started this blog one month ago today with the intention/desire to force myself out of my shell and into the world and to chronicle the events along the way.  Unfortunately, that has not happened the way I had hoped. 

Yes I had my three radio show related outings but they have come to an end and have come with their own setbacks, the most grievous of which being that I spent more money than I would have liked and wound up being short when it came time for other expenses.  I went into this last pay check in the hole for over $200.00, with my rent, therapy bill, and all of my household bills due.  Needless to say there wasn’t enough money for all my obligations.  I had no choice but to write a “hot” check for my rent, knowing that the bank would cover the check, but that I’d also be starting out in the hole again, this time around.  I get paid tonight at midnight, but my account is overdrawn $237.00.  I will owe my therapist $270.00 for the last three weeks of sessions, my car payment is due, $386.00, and I still have to pay bills, buy gas and groceries, wish for a social life and try to find some way to get back ahead of the game.  I am literally living paycheck to paycheck right now.  I really hate living this way. 

The other setback was a blow to my ego.  First at Summerthing, the concert in Golden Gate Park, when Unsvelt Girl Who Runs couldn’t get M&M and Me into the VIP section.  We had been given every reason to believe that we’d get in and even though UGWR did her best, she still couldn’t make it happen and it still sucked.  And then of course there’s the birthday party at Matty’s house.  Apparently, nothing has been said about the party and may not really even happen.  Seeing as how Matty’s birthday is today, and Marjority’s birthday was Tuesday, I’m thinking probably not.

So my belief that I can’t really afford to have a social life, or to date has been re-enforced and, I feel, even prooved.  How am I ever going to stop being socially inept, start making new friends and God-willing, find a partner boyfriend (I had typed “partner” but since we’re allowed to get married here in California – at least for now – boyfriend seems the proper term since I’m in no way from looking for a lifetime commitment right now), if I can’t even afford to get out of the house?  I really hate living this way too.