Bait and Switch

Something has just occurred to me.  About six weeks ago, I wrote a series of posts about the renovation of my formerly regrettably pink bathroom.  These posts were a hodgepodge of details about the actual “transformation” or renovation that was taking place in my bathroom at my home.

During the majority of the project my shower was out of commission and I was having to used the shower in the basement of my office building of which I have the fortune (misfortune?) of working in the property management office and have, therefor, free reign over/access to the shower in question.

Now, I’m a dude, which should say enough, right there, but I’m also Gay, relatively new to the acceptance thereof, and a “gay virgin”.  Translation, I’m horny most of the time.  Using this shower in the basement of my office building was, at least the first few times, a sexually arousing proposition for me.  It is a private shower, in a locked room so it wasn’t that exciting, but it provided some opportunities to fantasize and masturbate.    These experiences provided fodder for the blog and while I was writing about the remodel of my bathroom I was also writing about these experiences which means my tags for these posts were things like, “Male Nude, Nude Male, Gay Sex, Fantasy, Fantasizing, Masturbate, etc.”

To this day, when I look at my blog stats, those “Bathroom Transformation” posts are heavily hit.  And when I look at the terms that lead people to my blog on those same days, it’s usually things like “Male Nude, Nude Male, Gay Sex, Fantasy, Fantasizing, Masturbate, etc.”

So today I was looking at my blog stats – I guess I have a secret fantasy to become a popular blog… ist?  Is Bloggist a word? and so I watch my stats closely – and suddenly I had this mental image:

I’m sitting at home in my chair, feet up, naked, looking for some “inspirational material”.  So I log onto WordPress and I do a search for “Male Nude”.  Surely I’ll at least get some nice pictures to look at right?  Maybe I’m in a certain kinda mood, looking for a certain kinda something when I see it.  “Bathroom Transformation, Day 6”.  Maybe this is what I want to see.  Maybe I like a little raunch, or a little water sports, or a little…  Whatever someone might be looking for, and interested in when they see “Male Nude” and “Bathroom Transformation” in the same context.

So I click on the link.  Maybe I’m already a little excited.  Maybe I’m partially hard and I’m already oozing.  Maybe I’ve already got my dick in my hand and I’m ready to go.  And there at the bottom of the screen I see the very top of a picture.  Let me scroll down to that!  Wait! What the–!  It’s a- A BATHROOM.  What the hell kinda smut is this guy writing.  Oh shit.  This post is about renovating a bathroom.

The son of a bitch pulled a bait and switch on me!

But at least I helped him boost his numbers for today!

And if nothing else?  For that, I thank you!  Oh, and, did I mention…  I gotcha again!

Bathroom Transformation Day Nine

Nine days down, one day to go.  Today finds the tile in, the walls painted, the vanity in position and the basin and counter in place, the faucet installed (though not yet functioning), and the lighting fixture in place.  Take a look:

Tomorrow is supposed to be the last day of the main project:  The sink gets plumbed in.  The fixures (i.e. towel rods, toilet paper dispenser, etc.) get installed.  The mirror and storage cupboard get hung.  I hope the door, door frame, window frame and shutters get painted, and the door rehung.  And there’s still a few baseboard tiles to get grout.  Friday Adorable Little Contractor is off to Oregon.  I still don’t have a shower curtain rod, or a makeshift shower curtain.

Wheeler Dealer Land Lady was referred to a showroom where she should be able to find an existing shower curtain rod.  But apparently, it won’t be installed until Monday, September 15th.  So I’m looking at over a week of using the trickle at the office.  The charm has definitely worn off…  Not that I didn’t get myself a good wank in their anyway, but the new has worn off and without some company, it’s just not what it could be.  Today I revisited the Fantastical Engineer services me and my undercarriage while I rub one out on his shiny bald head fantasy.  I need to come up with something new…

Anyway, someone from a company called “Mr. Bathtub” is coming on Saturday, September 13, 2008 to “redo” my bathtub.  I don’t really know what that means, I just know that my bath tub is supposed to be shiny and pristine and new looking so it will fit in with the rest of the newly redone bathroom!

Adorable Little Contract comes back on September 15th to hang the shower curtain rod, grout the gap between the tub and the tile and resolve any open items that haven’t been solved.

It’s kind of funny, but there’s a part of me that is sad that it’s ending.  Scared kitty will be glad it’s over as he has been spending his days locked up in the kitchen with no soft furniture to sleep on and where it gets somewhat steamy.  But I can’t have him roaming free while ALC is trying to do his work and often needs to leave the front door open.  I admit that I expected to see more of ALC.  I got the impression from him at the beginning of this endeavor that he’d be working long days and that I’d see him, probably before I left for work and almost certainly when I got home.  In a strange way, when this first started, I almost felt like I had a husband to come home too (and I could certainly have done worse.)  I expected more discussions about schedules and when we’d see each other and the like.  I guess, truthfully I’m grateful that we didn’t interact more, since his presence is a disruption for me, but I hoped for more contact.

The more I think about it, the more I think he very well might be a Friend of Dorothy.  I recall that his use of pronouns (In his limited discussion about himself) never went beyond “we”.  He never talked about “she” or “my wife” or “my girlfriend”.  Though, admittedly he also never talked about a boyfriend or husband.  It has been extremely hot these last two weeks and I don’t have air conditioning which means that it’s been quite hot in my house while he works.  I’ve seen him in shorts twice now – he has great calves – and he seems not to have much (if any) hair on his legs either.  He’s as “average white” as I am so it’s not like he’s likely of a heritage that doesn’t grow much body hair.  I do believe he’s blond (he always wears a baseball hat) but not super light to where his body hair should be unnoticeable… Of course I realize there are all kinds of simple explanations for this that don’t make him gay, but then again, maybe he is…  He has a great little ass and small waist too!

Tonight, as I was gathering the ingredients for my dinner, my front door open but outer gate closed and locked and with me wearing no clothes, I daydreamed/fantasized about him coming back to the house to do more work and letting himself in never expecting to find me naked.  My fantasy didn’t go beyond the awkward…

ALC: Oh!  I’m sorry, I didn’t realize…

Me: Oh my God.  I didn’t’ think…  I’m sorry…  I’ll just go put some clothes on…  Unless…  Well, unless you like what you see, in which case I won’t… ‘Cause I’ve been thoroughly enjoying what I’ve been seeing…

The fantacy didn’t go beyond that point, but wouldn’t it have been nice…

Random Thoughts for a Sunday Morning.

Here are some random thoughts that have gone through my head since I woke up this morning:

1)  Transliteration.  Why does the word transliteration keep going though my head.  And why can’t I make it stop?

2)  Some people get songs stuck in their heads, I get words.  Shit!  I get songs stuck in my head too.  What is this song?  What are the words.  I’m pretty sure it has nothing to do with Transliteration.

3)  What does transliteration mean? 

4)  Is it anything like Transmogrify? 

5)  What the fuck is transmogrify? 

6)  Where did I even hear that word? 

7)  Did Unsvelt Girl Who Runs, she of the copious vocabulary, tell it to me?  I think she told me she read it in a Harry Potter book.

8)  Come to think of it, i think we looked it up.  doesn’t it have something to do with changing form?

9)  Transliterate, transmogrify

10)  Shit!  There they go again!

11)  This new solitaire game I found in the apps store on my “magic iPhone by Apple” is pretty cool. 

12)  Shit!  It’s 10:15, the DirecTV Guy is supposed to be here soon to fix my reception problems.  I guess I should get out of bed and clean up.  

13)  Since I sleep naked, it’d be bad if I were still in bed when he gets here.

14)  Probably oughta put some clothes on too.  That may be how porn videos start, but not real life.  DANG IT!!!

15)  Me:  Magic 8 Ball, is my DirecTV repairman going to be sexy?

       Magic 8 Ball:  Don’t count on it.


16)  Transliterate, Transmography, there’s that song again.  What ARE the words!?! 

17)  I don’t want to get out of bed.

18)  Ooo.  But if i do get out of bed, I can blog about these crazy thouhts!


I really hate being so afraid of myself!  I am horny all the time but today I’m exceptionally horny.  I went to work today without underwear.  Lots of men go commando and I wanted to try it out.  I’ve done it before and I’ve always ended up going back to my briefs.  Today, I went commando again, ’cause I really want to get in the habit.  My concerns on the subject were of floppage and discoloration.  Floppage is obvious, the snake, uncontainted, slithers to accomplish movement.  As for discoloration, well..  I’m 33 years old, and much to my dismay, there’s….  leakage…  when I’m finished pissing.  So I was wearing black jeans to work and I figured today was a safe day to give it a shot…  I’m thinking that dark color and thick fabrics (aka, jeans) are safe bets.

It actually went just fine as far as comfort goes, but the longer I went sans underroos the more sexual I began to feel.  (Also, oddly I had to pee a lot more than usual today, and I don’t know if that’s related or not.)

By the time the work days was over, I just wanted to go out and get laid!  But you see, I’m a gay virgin.  I’ve had sex with a woman and I know it’s not for me, but I’ve never had sex with a man, and while I’m sure it is for me, I’m still terrified.   I figured (and still do) that tonight will be just like any other horny night for me.  I’d come home and watch a little porn, or surf the net for a little bit till I found a good image, or cyber date and then I’d take care of myself.

Well, having been a closeted homo for a long time I have acquired a selection of sexual accoutrement that I make use of from time to time and, though every last item would be more fun to use with a partner I do enjoy a little…  self…  torture?  See I think I’d really enjoy a little mild S&M, or at least some bondage.   I’ve got restraints under my mattress, right now, but they’re kinda hard to use on yourself, so they just lie there ready and waiting.

Tonight I came home and dawned my leather chastity belt; a thong of sorts, made of leather, with a rear strap wide enough to prevent any kind of penetration, a solid cod peace with a whole for my junk and straps to hold my hard cock in place and a solid cover that is zipped on and locked into place along with the other straps of the unit.  At this moment, I could not touch my cock if I wanted to and it is hard (and I have to pee again)  I’ve been wearing it for about 45 minutes now.   It’s pretty hot, but it can only last for so long.  I also own and applied a leather collar which is currently strapped around my neck as well as a leather, spiked cock ring that is large enough to double as a wrist cuff until it is needed elsewhere.  I enjoy this, I just wish it was applied under someone else directive tonight.

I do dream of being a submissive, but not a slave.  I’ve read some of the postings of the real live slaves on this blog site, and I’m quite certain I do not wish to give up THAT MUCH control, or be subjected to that much discipline.  I could not live the life, but I would enjoy the play from time to time.  I also would like to take turns being the Dom and being the Sub.  Both rolls do sound appealing.

As I was driving home from work, thinking how fun it would be to drive naked, but I did not do, I also thought how much I wished I had the nerve to go out to a bar and take my chances.  I am afraid.  The fact is that I do not want to get any diseases, and I am not completely convinced of what I believe.  I’ve learned to accept that Gay is not wrong.  I’m not as convinced that promiscuity is not wrong.  I’d love to be able to surf Craigslist and find an ad that appeals and go for it.  I’d love to be able to go to a local gay bar and pick up on somebody.  I’d love to walk through a museum or a book store, or a grocery store, or a gas station and see a guy that turns me on, make eye contact, tilt my head and five minutes later be getting it on in the bathroom, like Justin did in the first season of Queer As Folk.  I’m just not that guy.  I’m scared.

Meanwhile I’m still horny!  I have withstood the torture long enough to boost my confidence while I write this post!  Did I mention I’m horny?  Now I must go and relieve the pressure, if you will.

It seems clear, from reviewing my Blog stats this last few weeks that I do have an audience.  So while I’m off rubbing one out, hows about you boys tell me, how you got your courage, and got the ball rolling.  And tell me how I can overcome my fear and get it on, myself!  Did I mention I’m horny!?!?!

Nude, Nudism, Nudist, Naturism, Naturist is the key

My all time most viewed post is here:  No real content to speak of…  All the searches come from the categories listed above…

So apparently all you have to do to get views is to tag your entries with these words.  It’s interesting, but it’s kind of sad too.

National Nude Recreation Week, Pt. 2

Well, It’s officially over for 2008.  National Nude Recreation Week was a bust.  Just as I suspected it would be I guess.  Sure, I did lots of nude recreating, but does it count if your at home alone?

Oh well, maybe next year!

Invalidated Fear

So, as many people probably already knew, my fears last Thursday night were not justified.  I actually had a really great time and managed to feel, if only for a brief moment like part of the “in-crowd”.  The event was rescheduled to be from 5-7 p.m. instead of 6-8 p.m. as originally planned.  I, of course could not arrive at 5:00 because I had to be at work untill then.  I decided at the last minute to drive to the city instead of taking Bay Area Rapid Transit, or BART, and I ended up arriving a little after 6:00 by the time I got into town and found a place to park. 

The location was a restaurant called Jillians ( which is located at the Metreon complex ( in San Francisco.  So I walked into the restaurant and almost immediately found my friends.  Unsvelt Girl’s husband, whom we call “Majority” (because Marjority rules), is kind of hard to miss, what with the enormous wheel chair and all, but ironically the first person I saw was UGWR’s friend the Tag-Along.  I sat down with them, had a couple glasses of Shiraz and enjoyed the festivities.  When the scheduled event was over, the management essentially kicked us out.  We were, after all, taking up their profit center.

The puprose of this event was to bid farewell to the executive producer of my favorite morning Radio Show, this cutie right here,, who is leaving at the end of his contract, later this month.  Ironically, they decided that day to have one more “going away” party for him, next Thursday.  I believe my friends and I will be attending. 

When the event was over, the male host, “No Name”, and the executive producer, Mattty, decided they wanted to carry the “party” on at another location, Dave’s, located at Third and Market streets.  Matty was standing on the sidewalk outside the Metreon trying to contact his wife on her cell phone.  She was supposed to be taking BART into the city to pick him up and drive his car home but he didn’t want to go home yet.  While Unsvelt Girl and Tag-Along left to go to the restroom, Majority and I stayed on the side walk talking to Matty. 

Initially, Matty was on the left side of an outer doorway, I was on the right side and Majority was across from the door.  Majority and Matty were talking and the subject of Matty’s dog came up.  Matty has a dog, roughly a year old which he named “Kelly Clarkson”.  I asked if they called the dog by her full name and if she actually responded to it.  He said that they do and she loves her name and that Kelly Clarkson is quite famous at the dog park.  About that time, I recalled that Matty hasn’t spoken of his very old cat, which used to be a regular topic of conversation on the morning radio show.

I asked Matty, “I haven’t heard any mention of ‘Colonel Fuzby’ lately.  Is he still around?”


Matty chuckled while crossing over to stand next to me, now standing on my right side.  “That cat,” he said with a grin, “that cat hates Kelly Clarkson.  Colonel Fuzby gets completely ignored now.  He sits in the corner glaring at Kelly Clarkson and cursing her under his breath.  Looks at my wife and me as if to say, ‘Hey!  I’m still here!’


“But the minute we go to bed at night he’s all over me.  The minute my head hits the pillow he’s snuggling up next to me, right here.”  He said patting the top of his left shoulder.  “He starts nuzzling his way into that space as soon as I lie down.  Like…  Well… Like this.”  And with that, Matty leaned in toward me and pressed his left cheek against my arm about halfway up my right bicep.  He then proceeded to rub his way up to the top of my shoulder where he lay his head for a good five seconds.


So ok.  Yeah, I was already kind of horney.  After many months of medicinally induced impotence, I’ve recently begun to… well… regain my mojo.  Now that “things” are starting to work again, I’m kinda like a 16 year old kid, EVERYTHING MAKES ME HORNEY!  So yeah, I was already semi-hard before this happened and it felt reeeeaaalllyyy good to be touched but I didn’t really think he was coming on to me.  An on-line friend of mine insists that’s just what was happening, and had I played along, I just might’ve gotten some that night.  Fortunately, just because I’m gay doesn’t mean I don’t have morals, and a married man is not for me…..  even if….  well… NO!  A married man is not for me. 😀


Anyway, my Friends and I ended up not going to Dave’s that night.  Instead we went to Powell Street and the Cable Car Turnaround where Blondies Pizza is to get a slice.  It was chilly and most of us were discussing other food options, but Majority wanted pizza and, well, like I said, “Majority Rules.”  When that was over, it was time to call it a night.  My friends had taken BART and we parted ways at the Powell Street BART station.  I had to walk five city blocks to my car.  With my inhibitions behind me, I have never before been so acutely aware of the highly attractive male population of the city.  ‘Twas, in a way, a torturous experience and yet delightfully freeing, all at the same time!


In fact I was so horney that night that I did something I couldn’t resist, just for the hell (and the danger) of it.  Before I even backed out of my space in the parking garage I took off all my clothes and drove all the way home (about 25 miles) totaly naked.  There were nearby sidewalks, and rolled down windows involved and much to my amazement (and maybe a little dissappointment) no one seemed to notice.  Not even as I was driving down Market Street.  That of the middle of the road bus stops, putting people on either side of the car!